Anxiety is a natural and necessary part of being human. It sharpens our awareness of potential threats and motivates us to take protective action—like staying alert while merging onto a busy highway. While it might seem like avoiding the things that trigger anxiety would help us feel calmer, the reality is the opposite: avoidance actually reinforces anxiety and makes it worse over time.
Therapy can help by providing a supportive space to understand your anxiety, develop healthier coping strategies, and gradually face what you’ve been avoiding so you can reclaim a greater sense of ease and confidence.
Avoidance fuels anxiety
A certain level of anxiety can be useful—it sharpens our focus and motivates us to rise to challenges, like preparing thoroughly for a big presentation. But when anxiety becomes chronic or starts to interfere with our goals, it can be debilitating. Avoiding the things that make us anxious might offer short-term relief, but it ultimately reinforces the idea that those situations are threatening. This creates a self-perpetuating cycle: the more we avoid, the more anxious we become when we inevitably face similar situations again.
Event
Anxiety
Avoidance
Temporary relief
Intensified anxiety
A situation is perceived as a threat or danger, triggering anxiety.
You become hyperaware of the anxiety and begin to avoid anxiety-provoking situations.
Avoidance delivers temporary relief, training your brain that avoidance is a good response, leading to increased avoidance over time.
Avoidance leads to lower confidence and a diminished sense of mastery, fueling more avoidance and exacerbating your anxiety.
You become more restricted, avoid more situations, and become increasingly isolated. This is the anxiety-avoidance cycle. 
Anxiety avoidance tends to get worse over time
Do you find yourself skipping social events, staying quiet in meetings, or avoiding new opportunities to avoid feeling anxious? These are common avoidance behaviors, and while they may offer short-term relief, they come with long-term consequences. Each time you avoid a situation that makes you anxious, you are teaching your brain that it is dangerous. The result is that the next time the situation arises, your anxiety will likely be even stronger, making avoidance even more tempting. Over time, this pattern can lead to increased isolation, deeper feelings of anxiety and depression, and a cycle that becomes harder to break.
Breaking the cycle is possible
While it can feel challenging, it is entirely possible to break free from the cycle of anxiety and avoidance.
- The first step is to identify how avoidance shows up in your life. Are there situations, conversations, or experiences you routinely steer clear of to avoid feeling anxious?
- Next, it’s important to understand how avoidance maintains and even intensifies anxiety over time. This insight can build the motivation needed to try a different approach.
- The third step involves gently challenging those avoidance behaviors. One proven method is exposure therapy, which involves gradually facing the situations that trigger anxiety in a safe and supported way. Over time, your brain learns that these situations are not as threatening as they once seemed. In some cases, Virtual Reality Exposure Therapy (VRET) can be used to simulate real-life experiences—like flying—for those with specific phobias.
Working with a therapist who specializes in anxiety can help you create a personalized, evidence-based plan to build confidence and regain a sense of control.
Start your journey today
With the right support, it’s possible to face anxiety with confidence and build a life that feels more open, connected, and fulfilling. Our compassionate therapists are here to guide you through evidence-based approaches that work so you can stop feeling stuck and start moving forward.
If therapy alone isn’t enough, our psychiatrist can provide a medical evaluation to see if additional support might help ease your symptoms and create more space for healing. You’re not alone, and relief is possible.
Reach out today to schedule your complimentary consultation. We look forward to hearing your story.
References and further reading
Bennett, M.P., Roche, B., Dymond, S., Baeyens, F., Vervliet, B., & Hermans, D. (2020). Transitions from avoidance: Reinforcing competing behaviours reduces generalised avoidance in new contexts. Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology (2006), 73, 2119 – 2131.
de Jong, R., Lommen, M.J., van Hout, W.J., de Jong, P.J., & Nauta, M.H. (2020). Therapists’ characteristics associated with the (non-)use of exposure in the treatment of anxiety disorders in youth: A survey among Dutch-speaking mental health practitioners. Journal of anxiety disorders, 73, 102230.
Lemmens, A., Smeets, T., Beckers, T., & Dibbets, P. (2020). Avoiding at all costs? An exploration of avoidance costs in a novel Virtual Reality procedure. Learning and Motivation.
Reeves, R., Curran, D., Gleeson, A., & Hanna, D. (2021). A Meta-Analysis of the Efficacy of Virtual Reality and In Vivo Exposure Therapy as Psychological Interventions for Public Speaking Anxiety. Behavior Modification, 46, 937 – 965.
